When a decision feels "big", I often find I drag my feet, feeling like so much is on the line. What if I make the "wrong" decision?

Is it possible that there's another way to approach decision making that not only doesn't feel so hard, but actually unlocks your creativity?

I’m one of those people who can quickly get overwhelmed.

It usually goes something like this…

“I want to create a new class offering to get in front of a wider group of people. I can make a bigger impact by reaching more people at once, and maybe some will see value beyond and want to engage in 1:1 coaching.”

“Oh, this will be great! OK, what topic should I discuss?”

At this point, my brain instantly goes in one of two directions, without fail….

It was a New Year’s Eve party when I heard one of my friends say, “I am SO ready for this year to be over.” Another quickly joined in, “It can’t be over fast enough! It’s about time.” […]

I heard their complaints, and they all had a similar flavor: What happened “to” me. How “so-and-so” treated me. What’s happening “in the world”.

It’s such a natural place for us to look, the world outside of ourselves, the areas we feel like we can’t control, where we feel we don’t have any say.

The ugly truth is, it’s where we are being a victim.

[…]

No wonder everyone can’t wait for the new year!

I went for a bike ride on January 1st. I did a lot of training on my bicycle last year, and “fell off the wagon” during the holidays…

It felt good to be moving outside again. I was in a good mood, and it felt like a great way to start the year.

Was this my “New Year’s Resolution”?

I attended a talk on self-care that was full of great information and wellness tips, and just hearing it made me want to indulge in it.

And immediately it begins… why do we call it “indulging”? It implies that it’s an option, the whipped cream on top, something decadent.

“Indulging” has its own world of meaning behind it depending on who is using that language. For me, “indulging” immediately confers a feeling of something I shouldn’t do because it isn’t good for me but it’s pleasing while I’m doing it.

Isn’t that the exact opposite of “self-care”? And yet, there it is, the two words in the same sentence.

There is something about creating and then letting it go that I thought would be an interesting practice to take on. […]

I’ve now tried it out a few times, and had some interesting experiences – some unexpected, some reinforced.

Words are powerful, and words have meaning….

When I think of being motivated, I think of being excited, tons of energy, ready to dive into whatever it is that’s motivating me….

And then I ask myself… how often do I really have that feeling? How long does it last? And when it goes away (which it inevitably does), what am I left with?

For me – and I’ll venture many of you – motivation is this ideal state where we feel unstoppable and ready to take on the world. At least in our minds. In reality, we probably don’t spend a lot of time in that state – but we DO spend a lot of time trying to get there, because we believe IF we get there, that’s when the magic will happen, and we’ll start doing all the things we say we want to do.

Motivation thus becomes the thing we are trying to attain. Said another way, motivation becomes the thing itself – and therein lies the trap.

Growing up as a child, and something that carried with me to most of my young adult and early adult years, I was considered “emotional”….

As I look back on it now, I see that being “emotional” in this way meant that I was being impacted by the things that were happening around me….

As a kid, I can still remember my sense of justice (and injustice) that wanted to come out. Not able to just accept things as they were said but questioning why that injustice seemed to be tolerated, why it was OK. I started journaling and writing to let out the feelings I did have, and yet my thoughts were constantly interspersed with “what’s wrong with me?” and “why can’t I just be like other people?”

How many times have you said something like, "I'm [this way]" or, "I'm [not this way]", like it's an unchanging fact?

Now think, how often do you say that about yourself even though you may not have exhibited that particular trait in quite some time?

We have habits in how we think just as much as we have physical habits. They are thoughts we can readily access unconsciously - the brain will jump to that path, that track, without hesitation. Only when we consciously interrupt the thought can we make room for our new behaviors, our new choices, to become our new reality.

It’s been a long time since something with the flow of poetry came from me, and yet last night I was driven to write this. I believe that sometimes energy speaks louder than anything, and I’m not sure I wrote this entirely for myself. So consider this an invitation - perhaps you were reaching out for someone (whether you realized it or not) to listen, to hear you on a deep level, to understand.

Now is the time to reach out. Let’s talk. Let me listen. I hear you.

…when I’m feeling stuck, I am inside this “ball of stuckness” and can only see from the inside looking out. I can’t see much beyond my ball of stuckness – it’s small, cramped, confined, without a lot of air to breathe and not much light. I am trying to fight my way outside with the things that are around me, INSIDE the ball, and they are limited.

When I join another and we share together, both listening and speaking, I am instantly transported outside that ball.

I’ve been thinking about my last blog, A Good Enough Excuse. I felt like there was something I wanted to say but I hadn’t quite connected the dots for myself (the joy and risk taking of sharing my stream-of-conscious thoughts at times!).

As I was thinking about it, there was one thought that felt like it pulled it all together. And of course, it’s not a new experience for me, however this time I got to see the bigger picture.  

In A Good Enough Excuse, I was having a day I where wasn’t feeling good and decided not to take several actions I had planned to take. While my first thought was that I was simply taking care of my wellbeing, something told me that there was more at play.

This morning, it hit me.

I decided to not take action.

If you’ve read some of my other blogs recently you may know I’ve been looking into “motivation” – or more accurately, what we often call being motivated or a lack of motivation.

…

In this circumstance, I knew what I wanted to do and had set up a time frame in which to do it. I did other things that day, and when the time came to do what I had planned (one of which, for example, was to write a blog) I wasn’t up to it. I had a lot of great reasons…. I had pushed myself to do other things and I was drained and tired.

It was easy for me to fall back on, “I should take care of my well-being and not worry about writing”.

How many times have you said, “I’m just not motivated (enough)”? Or one of its variants – I should be more motivated, I wish I were motivated, I’m too tired to be motivated, or the problem is, I’m just not motivated.

What if there actually was no problem to solve? (All of my fellow problem-solvers are currently gasping in disbelief, because how do you go to work on something if there’s not a problem to solve? After all, I’m GOOD at solving problems! It’s my value!)

Sometimes we are victims of our own growth and development. We KNOW we should do something, and so we trust we will just do it.

When I was in college, taking numerous classes and having no idea what I wanted to be “when I grew up”, I remember hearing it said that I couldn’t use my passion as my career. If I did, my passion would become my career and eventually I’d stop enjoying it, and I would have no passion to go to for escape….

So here I am, after 23 years in a career as an engineer in the tech world, now on my second career, and wondering… how many others were told this same kind of line growing up, and what do I want to say to them and my “younger self” now?

Not only do today’s risks bring me knowledge that fuels tomorrow’s venture, but the risks I’m considering taking now would not have even been possible in the past. I am not the same person from day to day, but a product of all that I’ve learned through my experiences, interactions, studies – through my entire life.

…There’s knowing I can do something, there’s even knowing I can be good at it – but trusting myself to always be able to bring it, on demand? That’s where my lack of trust lives. It’s like, I have this ability to do so much. I’m smart, educated, experienced, and I’ve learned how to listen, on a deeper level. If I have those abilities, I should… be able to pull them out at any time. I “should” always be the absolute best version of myself, even if charting new territory….

OK let me get this out of the way now… coaches can kick [insert hindquarters here]. One of the things that makes for great coaches is their ability to see things that we can’t see ourselves, and to know when to push us.

My coach – now, she’s the queen of [hindquarter] kicking. She pushes me to all new levels. Unfortunately, it typically comes at the expense of my comfort.

When we are not feeling motivated, what we say to ourselves at that point matters, both in what actions we ultimately take and how we feel afterwards.