Reaching Out and Opening Up

I’m continuing my “game” with my coach about writing – with a time limit. It’s been exciting to see what has developed out of it, such as the ability to trust my gut and not waste so much time second-guessing whether it’s ready for prime time. Sometimes the thoughts are not fully vetted and are truly as they first occur in my head. I invite you to look with me and share in this as a conversation, a starting point, vs. any kind of ending or “place to get to”. After all, by reading with me, you are engaging in a coaching conversation – one that is intended to have us expand and grow from wherever we are, with lots of places to visit and nowhere to get to!

I was wondering what I wanted to write about today and was thinking about how my past week went. In short, it was a rollercoaster – there were moments I was far from my best, and then that was followed by insights and new actions. Then the doubts and concerns crept back in.

The whole time, I was “dealing with it”. I was aware I was feeling all-over-the-place and figured at least I recognized that, that I could see it and feel it, so I could talk myself out of it. I could push myself past it.

For brief moments I pushed through, and then I slipped back to feeling lost. And so it continued.

What I DIDN’T do is reach out to anyone.

And what’s one of the first things I tell my clients, my friends, anyone who is aware something is up but not sure what to do, or just wanting to get it off their chest?

Talk to someone.

So, here I am, very experienced in the world of personal development. I have lots of coaching under my belt and have even given this same coaching to my clients. I have my own coach who I know I can reach out to any time.

What had me keep to myself?

In coaching, I’ll often focus with my clients on Awareness – without that, there’s no reason you would take a first step, because you don’t see there’s a first step to take.

Was I truly aware of my feelings? Yes, I believe I was. So, what did I miss?

Sometimes we are victims of our own growth and development. We KNOW we should do something, and so we trust we will just do it. What is there to talk about? What is there to say, since we can clearly coach ourselves (can you see my eyes rolling just a bit here)?

I believe there are a few things at play.

For one, there’s the fact that we believe that “knowing” what to do will give us full access to what there is to do. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t. Sometimes we get so trapped in the “knowing” that we can’t see that there are multiple paths available to us. We even may not be doing it for a good reason – something else that’s in the way, or something telling us, in our gut, it’s not the thing there is to do. (Trusting your gut is a whole conversation in itself!)

Then there’s the “I don’t want to bother anyone with my stuff” conversation. Especially if I know I “shouldn’t” feel a certain way, I certainly don’t want to waste anyone’s time with my complaining. Here, what there is to get is that it’s not “complaining” to share how you’re feeling. Sometimes just saying it out loud clears up the thoughts and give access to new actions. We stop resisting how we feel and open ourselves up.

There’s also the possibility that there’s a bit of, “I don’t want others to know I feel this way/think less of me/worry about me”, or “I know they have their own stuff to deal with.” It’s all in the same world – and it robs people of the ability to make a difference with us. And if you ask people how important is to know they make a difference, you will probably not be surprised to hear – it makes a BIG difference. And chances are, people have their own stuff they deal with, and you are creating an environment that gives them the same grace, the same opportunity, that you are now giving yourself.

Opening up to others is one of the biggest gifts you can give to yourself – and to others.

And best of all, not only is there’s nothing wrong with you for doing that, but you are creating a world between you and another that won’t exist without it. 

Take your growth to the next level… what’s available for you? Reach out and let’s talk!