17 Minutes

OK let me get this out of the way now… coaches can kick [insert hindquarters here]. One of the things that makes for great coaches is their ability to see things that we can’t see ourselves, and to know when to push us.

My coach – now, she’s the queen of [hindquarter] kicking. She pushes me to all new levels. Unfortunately, it typically comes at the expense of my comfort.

And so, while I hope to contribute to you in today’s blog post, I will also share that you are directly a part of my own growth today, as I take on her latest challenge… write a blog post in 17 minutes. No going back. No editing. No spell check and grammar correction. Consider yourself warned!

And so, without further ado….

(Start timer!)

Yes, I did take the first 3 seconds just to stare at the timer. What is it about the deadline, which feels like an impossibly short time, that’s making my heart race and my hands shake?

My process of blog-writing thus far has typically involved writing stream-of-consciousness, doing some editing, and then putting it aside, possibly for days on end. I think about it. I process it. In my head, it’s getting better all the time. Eventually, I come back to it. I edit again. It may or may not jump out for me. If not, it goes away again and comes back out. Something finally “hits” me and I post it.

When I post it, I may be left with, “wow, I’m really happy with how that came out”, or, “hmm, I don’t think that was as good as the last one” or one of any other number of statements.

Almost always, there’s some element of comparison in there. It’s never perfect, for all that it is and all that it’s not.

Kind of like me.

I’m a work in progress. On my best days, I know there’s nowhere to “get”, and on other days, if only I could achieve X, THEN I’d be good enough.

Most of us have our version of “good enough”.

“Good enough” for me involves a lot of editing. Cleaning up my messes. Getting it right. Wanting to do my best – and then going beyond that, because my best is not quite enough.

A blog post in 17 minutes? No editing? No fixing, no “getting it right?”

My heart is racing and my hands are flying because I’m risking it all – the risk that, after 17 minutes, I’ll have nothing to contribute. I won’t make a difference with anyone. I’ll find out (see my “Imposter Syndrome” blog) that I am really just faking it.

And yet, I accepted the challenge from my coach. Why? Because I know, on a level beyond knowing, that I play it safe in life. I don’t like to take risks. The only thing worse than not being successful is failing – and for me, those are two very different things.

By accepting her 17-minute challenge, I’m saying that the risk is worth it. That I don’t know what will come flying from my fingers, and if it’s a lot of run-on sentences that only make sense to me when I go back and read them at 3 a.m. that’s OK.

And maybe, I’ll reach one other person out there who can relate. Maybe there’s something they have been dragging their feet on because they are not quite sure what it looks like, or how to get there. Maybe they have been studying and planning for years and are afraid at what NOT studying and planning looks like. Without studying and planning and analyzing and all of it, I don’t know what path to take. And so in 17 minutes, I’m without a net to catch me. I don’t have an end game. I don’t have a strategy.

And so, 13 minutes in, I find that I’m wanting to fill words when perhaps all that there was to say is said.

Where are you tethered to the way you “know” to do things?

Where are you afraid to take the next step because you don’t know how to get there, or perhaps even where you are headed?

What might happen if you took the next step without having all the answers?

(2 minutes 30 seconds left – thank you for taking this journey with me!)