The Myth of Motivation
For those that have been reading my blogs for a while, you know that I’m currently taking on a practice of setting time limits for writing and posting my blogs (thanks to some pertinent and powerful – but not always welcome – coaching from my own coach!). I’m continuing in that vein right now, and that means that occasionally you may feel like there are thoughts that could use full dissertations on their own that I don’t dive into here. If those ever show up for you, I invite you to take that as a place to look for yourself, and/or to reach out to me and let’s discuss. (Maybe there’s a reason it stood out to you!) And come back and check out future blogs, maybe they will be the next subject!
So for this blog, I bring you… The Myth of Motivation
How many times have you said, “I’m just not motivated (enough)”? Or one of its variants – I should be more motivated, I wish I were motivated, I’m too tired to be motivated, or the problem is, I’m just not motivated.
What if there actually was no problem to solve? (All of my fellow problem-solvers are currently gasping in disbelief, because how do you go to work on something if there’s not a problem to solve? After all, I’m GOOD at solving problems! It’s my value!)
We are taught culturally (I speak primarily of here in the U.S., but I suspect it’s not limited to this country) that everything is available to you if you are willing to work hard. Therefore, if I don’t have something in my life, it must be that I don’t work hard enough. And if I’m not working hard enough, it must be that I’m not motivated enough– because if I were motivated, I would do it, right?
We throw around “motivation” like it’s a fix to a problem, and it’s not much more effective than sucking it up and saying, “Just Do It!” [See my blog on my thoughts on that phrase HERE].
When we say we’re committed to something and we don’t take the actions, there could be lots of places to look. (Notice I’m not saying lots of reasons, because often our reasons are not what stops us, they are what we tell ourselves are stopping us to make us feel better – like we have a good excuse not to – or because we simply can’t see another way.) We want to feel like we still do have a say in how it goes, and if I was just motivated enough, I could have what I want – because the option in that way of thinking is, I’m just not capable or good enough to have it. I’d rather believe it’s something simple like not being motivated, rather than I’m truly not capable.
So if it’s not motivation, what is it?
I’m doing something because I think I SHOULD want it. (And the addendum: “After all, who wouldn’t want that?”) Sometimes the thoughts come from our parents or other family and friends. Sometimes it’s societal messages that push for money, power, prestige. Wherever the thought originates, it lives in the world of what we think we’re supposed to want.
I just don’t have the time. Something else always takes priority. The priorities often fall around basic needs (the “day job” taking time away from the passion project or hobby, the family care coming before doing anything deemed “fun”, anything before well-being such as exercise, meditation, mindfulness, eating well). The world lives as “either/or” or “occurring linearly” (“once I do X I can have Y”), or possibly as a reward for hard work (“once I get the chores done, I can go have fun”).
I don’t know what I want. There can be many places this comes from, but there are two versions in particular that have been my nemesis over the years:
“I know there’s something I want to be doing but I don’t know what it is.”
There isn’t a magic answer to “what you’re supposed to do when you grow up”. It’s not a matter of “finding the right answer”. There may not even be one answer. We are constantly developing and growing, and out of that growth is where you will find what’s next for you. And it’s often not linear (apologies to all my answer-seeking, organizational-minded friends out there).
“That’s way too risky.”
Taking on something new can show up as a complete departure from what you already know. There could be financial fears. There’s being outside your area of expertise and questioning if you’ll be able to make any kind of difference in this area. Interestingly, there’s a lot related to our development and growth here as well, and so it’s not so far away from #1 above. (Check out my blog on Risk Taking for some more thoughts on this one.)
It’s often not “motivation” that’s keeping us from pursuing things in our life. “Motivation” is simply a mask for other messages we have been telling ourselves for years.
And it all starts from the same place – becoming aware of the messages we have been telling ourselves. Surprisingly, this is often the challenging part. Once you learn to develop and foster that awareness, there’s a whole new world that opens in which to take action – with or without “motivation”.
Ready to discover what messages “motivation” is masking in your life, and replace those with messages that lead you to a life you want? Now is the time to reach out - I look forward to speaking to you!