What We Say To Ourselves Matters

There’s a motivational phrase that people often use without thinking that gives me pause…

“Just Do It!”

No offense to Nike, who uses this as their advertising slogan. And it’s actually not the phrase, “Just Do It!” that concerns me, but what we say to ourselves immediately afterwards. When I’m pushing through a challenge, say I’m on my bicycle and I’m riding up a steep hill and fear and doubt of being able to make it show up and my lungs are burning and I want to quit, “Just Do It!” can give me that edge, that last push, to make it to the top.

However, sometimes the phrase lands flat. It’s not enough to increase our motivation and push us to the next step of whatever we think is important.

What do you say to yourself at that moment?

When we are not feeling motivated, what we say to ourselves at that point matters, both in what actions we ultimately take and how we feel afterwards. And the first words that show up for me when I don’t feel like doing the thing I think is important, is that I “should” do it. Or I “need to”. Or I “have to”.

When I tell myself I “should” do this thing, or I “need to”, or I “have to”, I’ve entered a world of right and wrong, good and bad. And let’s face it, when I’m living in this world, if I don’t do it, I feel bad.

And If I do it, often “right” and “good” are not what I’m present to. For me, it’s usually some sense of relief mixed with exhaustion. When that’s how I’m feeling, what immediately shows up for me is the next thing to do on the list, a never-ending list of “shoulds” and “needs” and “have tos”.

Every step I take leaves me tired and brings on many different thoughts:

… Why is this so hard?

… Why am I not doing it anyway?

… This is too much work / not fun anymore.

… What’s wrong with me?

Everyone feels unmotivated at some point. The reasons for lack of motivation can vary, and how to live life beyond those thoughts and feelings is why I coach. But regardless of your circumstances and your situation, the starting point is the same.

It starts with being kind to yourself in the face of a lack of motivation.

Start by catching yourself saying those words: have to, should, need. Keep noticing. This awareness is the first step to creating the life you want.

When you catch yourself, try replacing it with something else, something that gives you a sense of freedom. You can try “choose”. “I choose to create that presentation.” “I choose to pay the bills.” Focus on choosing – you could do any number of things, but at this moment, what you choose is what you are doing. Fully give yourself over to that task. There’s nothing else you “should” be doing at that moment.

When it is complete, take a moment to acknowledge yourself for your accomplishment. “I completed the workout.” Take a moment to let it sink in.

Simply catching yourself using those right/wrong, good/bad words and interrupting it can often be enough to start shifting your energy, having you feel more empowered – and ironically – motivated.

Feeling unmotivated? Has life turned into a bunch of “have tos” and “shoulds” and the feeling that something is missing? Reach out and let’s have a conversation!